My horoscope made me do it

Just read my horoscope for this month. It hit me that pretty much the only approach I haven’t taken in the bid to turn my luck around and find a job, is to follow the stars. It might be (certainly is) a sign that recent negativity, boredom and frustration (see all previous posts) has finally pushed me over the edge. However, I’ve decided that I have nothing to lose by leaving the Saturn Sisters in charge of an unemployed virgo’s destiny.

Who would have thought there’s a natural cause for the bad luck I’ve had so far in 2013? My horoscope says that although I’m normally in my element in the month of May, it’s the robust eclipse season and the return of the powerful Uranus-Pluto square that has simply shaken things up ever so slightly. I was prepared for a CV clinic and how-to-get-a-graduate-job workshops, but seems it was out of my hands all along. Nobody to blame but the planets.

The real fireworks in the days leading up to Uranus and Pluto’s third exact square of their series […] In your own chart, these two planetary bigwigs are inciting a riot in your sexuality zone and your house of romance. If you’re single, someone new, dashing, and a little bit dangerous can sweep you off your feet…

Right, let’s break this down. The return of the Uranus-Pluto square, which we’ve established is to blame for my unemployment and general misery, had to happen for the two planets’ third exact square to take place. And this planet-square-dance will cause fireworks and have me swept off my feet by an all new, dashing and dangerous man!? Must admit I’m very intrigued by this point. (Also, clearly need to book in for waxing asap.)

And now for the best bit of the month, as promised: the heavenly conjunction between luck-laden Jupiter and swoon-worthy Venus brings a beautiful opportunity to your career zone on the 28th.

I’m seriously excited for the Jupiter-Venus conjunction! This can only mean one thing..? I will make sure to submit job applications on the 18th or 19th, which are my next two lucky days of the month, according to the astrologists. I’m certain that if I take the right precautions, focus my mind and energy, and open my chakras, bad luck will be replaced by hot-hot-mysterious man and fabulous well-paid job by the end of the month.