List of Dislikes, Cont.
- I’m kicking the list off with tofu. The thought alone gives me shivers. I realise that it’s nutritious for veggies and so on, but I’d rather starve than putting that spongy and wobbly disgrace in my mouth. I’ve never been picky with food and very rarely do I not like what I eat, but I’m drawing the line at tofu. Puke.
- Whistling. Grr. If you really need to whistle, something is wrong with you and you should go give outlet to this urge in the privacy of your own home.
- The fact that my previously glamorous Friday nights have become a distant memory. Check out the downgrade.. I’m talking leftover lasagne, trackies and brewing tonsillitis.
- Being charged for my overweight suitcase. No, no, no, no, no, no, no! I’ve tried countless times to convince these check-in people that just one of the business men on my flight will be heavier than my bodyweight and my little suitcase put together, but they just won’t listen. A highly illogical system if you ask me.
- Crumbly tomatoes. Sometimes you can tell by looking at one, other times you just get a nasty surprise as you take a bite of what you thought would be a ripe and juicy tomato, and instead it dissolves into horrid crumbly bits in your mouth. The disappointment alone can ruin my day.
- The expression “in this day and age”. It’s such a genuinely unnecessary addition to a sentence, the person who came up with it deserves a rocket up the arse.
- The UK government is trying to kick my lovely little Indian waxing lady out of the country. I need this NOT to happen. She’s a hard-working, law-abiding, tax-paying citizen, and should receive awards for being The Waxing Master. Also, if she goes, I’ll turn into Jane of the fucking Jungle, and this benefits no one.
- Ex-boyfriends. Boy, do I have a lovely collection of them. Quick recap on what I’ve been previously involved with: Lying, manipulative, dyslexic, hyperactive, abusive, stingy, cheating, patronising, immature, ignorant, narrow minded, rude, selfish, pretentious and silly men. If only they’d been tall, dark, broad-shouldered and fit, right? They weren’t. But I guess we live and learn. And like dad says, men are like buses; there’s always the next one.
- Finally, one major dislike: The fact that David Beckham and Gordon Ramsay are opening a new restaurant together in London, and I’m not the third partner.
Now, that’s what I call a threesome.