¡Hola! ¿Qué tal? Vino blanco, por favor.

Yep, that's about all the Spanish I know. All I need to know, actually. I'm in Majorca on a pretty spontaneous holiday with the world's greatest auntie. We've done absolutely nothing except drink, shop and eat (in that order), and it's been perfect. Anyways. Nobody wants to read about my fantastic holiday. You want to hear that it's pissing it down outside, and that I'm sitting in the hotel lobby blogging because I felt like I should, right?

You would probably also like to hear that Majorca is full of weirdos. I think the majority of them stay at our hotel because I eat breakfast next to a bunch of them every morning. So let's skip that part where I have to declare that I'm sure they're all lovely people. I really don't care. We're all shallow by nature. (At least I don't have a problem admitting it). Here we go.

  • The girl who should have been a drummer. Whatever type of cutlery she's got in her hand, she manages to make more noise with it than a five-year-old with ADHD could've ever done. She bangs knives around, chews loudly and stirs her coffee as if her life depended on it. Oh, and she's unable to decipher the coffee machine. Hahahaha.
  • The couple who needs to get a room. Seriously, who sits on the same side of the table? They seem pretty full of themselves when they're sipping champagne for breakfast. Also, the guy ate an egg as if it was a grape. That happened on Sunday and I'm still getting shivers from thinking about it.
  • The woman who licked every one of her five fingers before helping herself to the breakfast buffet. I wasn't hungry that day.
  • And, of course, I've seen a couple of interesting people around town too. Cruella Deville was enjoying an espresso and 15 fags next to us at a café yesterday, I saw a woman with white tights. Only she wasn't wearing tights, she had bare legs. Oh, and I saw a nun! My aunt has tried telling me that a nun really isn't that odd, but if you ask me, a nun definitely qualifies for this list. I mean, she's devoted her life to God, or to prayer, or something. And although I've realised that nuns aren't actually bold under there (why did I think that?), nuns are still super odd. Very cute, though.

I'm ever so sorry for the lack of photos. That would be rude. Instead, I think you should go ahead and be just a little bit jealous of me.

Spot the weirdos. The lazy-eye trick clearly runs in the family.